Adulting Friendships

Now that I am ~27~ I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I am an actual adult. (I know 27 sounds kind of late for that but we all gotta grow up at some point, some later than others) I have also been coming to terms with the fact that relationships, more specifically adult friendships are not always going to be the same. DISCLAIMER: if I say "you", I really am talking to/referring to myself here. My change in pronouns throughout can get a bit confusing lol.

People grow apart, or people grow together. Lately I have found myself in a budding friendship with someone I have known for a while. I heard a quote in a TikTok that was from a book called "Liturgies for Hope: Sixty Prayers for the Highs, the Lows, and Everything in Between". (Side note: I am Catholic, but can't say I have been super religious, maybe leaning towards more spiritual lately.) The quote reads "Marvel at how you can not know who you will meet next, and who will change your life with their sudden and quiet entrance." Gosh the whole passage I heard was so beautiful but this line stuck with me. My friend Jess is that person right now. I feel as though there was a quiet entrance, because she has always been around, we've always had the same friends, but our relationship has grown stronger between just the two of us. It has felt very sudden, but this has been really a growing process since being out of college. I have always known her to be a pleasant person, who is sweet and liked by all, but now we have been able to peel back a few layers of one another and really open up and connect. She is reliable and comforting and considerate and fun and full of life, and I am so grateful to have a relationship like this flourish.

On the other hand, it is hard drifting from others. It is hard facing that maybe it has nothing to do with me, that they have their own stuff going on in their lives, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less. Everyone goes through this feeling, or at least I think they do. At my ripe age of 27 I can only assume that everyone feels the same as me and that I am not special!

Anyway, when friendships change in a way that feels wrong, and theres so much space that has gotten between you and that person, it never feels good, it's actually super uncomfortable. It just sends me into a spiral of anxiety, making up scenarios of something that I did wrong to push this person away. If you are trying to cast a line to reel them back in, more than once, and they don't seem to bite, sometimes it may be time to give them space and let them come to you. I feel like that is the best way to really see who comes to the surface, who you know you can call on and who you can trust with certain things.

Sometimes I think I give people more grace than they deserve, I maybe feel like I expect too much of people, then again, maybe not. It's funny to think that there are different friends that play all different roles in your life, but ultimately they have a meaning and purpose so that's why you keep them around. Like I said, there are certain expectations of a person and their role in your life and when they don't really uphold that, you get down on yourself, thinking it is because of you... OBVIOSULY IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, GOSH. So, as I continue to live my life, meet new people, make new friends, and lose some too, I have taken into account the things that I can control and that is myself.

Letting go of control (at least for me) is SO uncomfy. I have gotten comfortable getting uncomfortable with feelings (shoutout to my boyfriend because he is really the reason I have been able to explore these feelings.) Evidently, this doesnt happen overnight, which is something else I struggle with... PATIENCE. Maybe that is what I need to be with the people around me, to be patient with them... You know what they say about patience though... It gets us nowhere fast! Oh you thought I was going to say it's a virtue?

Have you ever heard the word sonder? It means "the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own." Trying to comprehend how the world works in every which way is not possible, so that is why I ~try~ to ground myself, and tell myself- everyone has got their own shit, they deal with it in a different way, and sometimes you may not be part of it. Best you can do is: LET GO.

Easier said than done... No matter how relationships change, good or bad, it is just something that you have had to accept, sit with the uncomfortable feelings that the past is gone, change is coming whethere you like it or not, whether you are ready or not. The relatiohsnip dynamic may change, but your feelings towards that person may not. Although I talk about more losing friends, or fading friendships may be a better way to describe it, I have found so SO much fufilment in the spark of strengthening friendships and creating new ones as an adult, and it is something that has reminded me that holding onto the past too much would have hindered my willingness to open up to someone new.

And someone reading this may not agree with anything I said, that's fine because this isn't a matter of fact, it's just what I feel in my heart. I hope some can relate and find comfort in those common grounds of navigating adult friendships and the ever changing environment.

Best thing to do is...

Tell your MF friends you MF love and appreciate them. IT GOES A LONG WAY!

Love,

N@

byeeeeeeeeeeeee

EDIT (Jan 15, 2024) : I read this blog entry on my TikTok and one of my family members said this:

Well written/read. My only input is rather than let go -- Move on. Don't forget those friends for they are part of your stepping stones to who you are and will become. Know you are amazing. Others who are meant to will know that too.

So true <3